At times it is a matter of personal pride to have been born in a middle class family – blame the authors who have idealized the social setup – showing us that the only power at our disposal is Ray’s ‘Mogojashtra’. You grow up hearing some golden advice, that only education can bring about a change in social status and much glory. Hence charge ahead in that direction! But hey, are you a girl? Wait then, we need to catch up on the current scenario...
Now, if you happen to be past twenty, marriage proposals coming your way seems inevitable. No matter how old the groom is, the younger the bride the better. Whenever you visit a social gathering, you are constantly under scanner eyes of someone trying to fix you up with a possible match. No, we’re not talking about the Victorian era (And people still question me why I don’t like visiting social gatherings!). Though a different attitude may be noted regarding their approach to the males and the females. If you happen to be a male, it is of utmost importance that you complete your education, get a job and only then think about marriage. For females, education or jobs are important but comes only after marriage. Oh no, they won’t put a stop to your educational process, but sure they would keep nagging you to get married -- whether you like it or not, whether you want it or not doesn’t matter. I repeat, DOES NOT MATTER. But the words won’t be put before you so plainly, but rather camouflaged and interspersed with wise words such as – ‘you won’t get a better groom than this’ or ‘ ...time’s running. Who would like to marry an old lady?’ or ‘there is a right age for everything’!
I have heard my grandmother say that her daughters were given the minimum education (read graduate) so as to qualify them in the marriage market. She claims times have now changed for us, the current generation. Has it? If so, I wonder how. Well maybe yes, you now need to be a post- graduate in order to qualify in the marriage market, as graduates are all too common these days! While any problem regarding the ‘love-lives’ of my male cousins would simply be shunned with the wonderful suggestion of better focusing on studies than whiling away time in such stupid matters. But with that of the female ones, their behaviour would undergo a sea change – education is important but comes only after marriage-- you don’t want to die an old maid, do you? The same bunch of parents that once advised her to study hard, often drawing examples of other girls or boys of her age who were doing better, now wants her to think otherwise. What they don’t realize is that once you’ve made her taste the fruit of knowledge, she cannot regain her former state of innocence and ignorance. Call her Satan’s companion if you will, but why has choosing to lead your life according to your own terms got to be such a hard concept for the society to accept without being prejudiced?
While being brought up in between the ebb and tide of such people, corroding your coast-line daily and inflicting pain with broken shells that hit you with the waves, sometimes you are lucky to find an island of solace in some – your own personal ‘Sidhu jetha’. The duality amazes you as you sit there with your cup of black tea and one of your favourite novels in hand, while your mind constantly tosses between Milton’s ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’.
